I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
