My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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