You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
