Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
