dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
