my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
