i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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