I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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