The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
