I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
