Ketchup is God's man juice
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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