You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
