I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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