3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
