Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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