Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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