i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
