Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
