Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Only a mothe r could love this liver
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
