areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I wanna passion pit in your ass
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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