don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
