i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i've created a new STD.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have aggressive nipples.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
