i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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