I wish I could teleport
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
