I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
