My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
