I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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