she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
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he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
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My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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