So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
