i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
