Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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