I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
