I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
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Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
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You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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