that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
