Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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