oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
