dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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