I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
