At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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