You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
oh god the rape fog is back!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
