Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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