the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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