I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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