oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
