I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
