Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize