i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
