Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
