so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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