I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
