My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
