i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
