I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
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