Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
