don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
