how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
