Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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