C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
