I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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