im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
