I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
