Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
