I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
