Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
