This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
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words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
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I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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