That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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