I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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