Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
