dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
